Fall Equinox

"To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the sun; a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant and a time to reap...."(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Yesterday was fall equinox, 1 of only 2 days in the entire year when light and dark, day and night are equal. The long days of summer are gone, long days are fading into shorter days and nature is showing signs of slowing down. Traditionally this has been a time of harvest. There is something in the air that reminded our ancestors to hurry to prepare for the upcoming and long winter. Preparations were made to slaughter the animals, pull the last bits from the garden and put them up or store them for the winter ahead. In the Greek Mythology system this is the time that Persephone went back to the underworld with Hades because she had eaten 7 pomegranite seeds. Demeter, her mother and the goddess of the land, go into mourning for the loss of her daughter.

I think spiritually equinox is a time of harvest too. It's a time for me to think about what I have harvested in my life and to ponder on how I have been transformed by the experience. I love the fact that nature is showing signs of slowing down. The weather has cooled quickly, the leaves are changing. This gently reminds me that transformation is a vital part of change. And make no mistake I am changing. It's very subtle in some ways but I feel it nonetheless. Who will I become? Who do I choose to become? How do I choose to let my breast cancer experience mold me? How much can I really control?

Being in the thick of this breast cancer experience though I am having trouble getting my perspective this fall. There are still decisions to be made and treatments to go through. So many unknowns, so many choices. Like a tree, I have released my leaves through the removal of my breasts. I've allowed a yielding to occur so that I can allow a new to emerge. What will that be? Right now I am struggling to find the balance of movement verses rest. I ache to move my arms and yet they are sore. Showering by myself is a challenge, a slow and ardorous process. I am unable to dress myself by myself at this time. I long to be able to wash the dishes and yet how much is too much? So quickly doing a little bit can become overdoing it. There is a balance there that eludes me and has done so for my entire life. Have I ever really been able to do things in balance? I don't think so. I've come from a place of all or nothing. I've worked until my body hurt so bad I was in tears. And while that intensity has it's place has it served me well?

For me this crazy, sexy thing called cancer has been the illness that has caused loss and a breakdown of reality as I've known it. Now don't get me wrong this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've worked very hard not to be fearful during this process of change. Nature reminds me today that all things have a season and this is just another season in my life. Today I choose to be inspired by nature's example to accept the countless blessings and gifts this season is offering me even if I can't clearly see what these are yet.

As winter approaches I see clearly that the tempo of my life must slow down just as that of the natural rhythm. It is a time to center down into the ground of my being. A time to withdraw from the relentless activity of life with it's demands and errands and responisibilities. A sacred space and time to nourish my body, mind and spirit.

The house is quiet, the kids are filming their version of The Bridge to Terabithia today and tommorrow. A storm has blown in and there are clouds in the sky. Greg has the afternoon off and I am hoping to get him to take me to run a few errands today. I am less sore today than I have been and will start some exercises to get my arm movements back slowly but surely. My book calls to me and yet for some reason I have put off working on it. I'm trying to be OK with that.

It's another great day to be alive. Where are you on this first day of fall? What are you harvesting in your life? How do the rhythms of nature speak to you? What transformations do you intend in your life? And how do you feel about change? Are you cultivating the practice of welcoming change or do you push it away? Make it a great day!